It’s been some time since I divulged the juicy tidbits I’ve experienced via my single life. Probably because nothing of note has transpired. Putting it plainly, my love life has hit a wall. Damn drought.
Let’s hope this is short-lived. But during this temporary break, I have begun to reevaluate my expectations, my friendships and what my single status means in the grand scheme of things. And while probing my inner most thoughts, I started to think about my male friends and how we’d come to be. For the most part, they’d been interested in more than platonic sentiments. I always saw the potential in having these gentlemen in my life, but never of a romantic “in a relationship” Facebook status sort of way. So friends we inevitably became.
However, time passes, we grow up, we find comfort in our own skins, we do better, look better, are better (one would hope). Were these men the same people I’d grown to love as my family? Were their quirky turn offs of youth’s past been transformed into turn ons? What had the second wave of puberty (from of age teenagers to of age adults) done to us? To me?
I’m not the same person I was seven years ago. My standards have changed. My experiences have cultivated a clearer understanding of what I want and what I need. I’ve grown and so has my tolerance levels. Which made me question my decisions about the “friend zone.” Had those pre-reqs also changed?
Too short, too skinny, too fat, not smart enough, too arrogant, too quiet, boring, quiet, the list goes on and on. But, if I have truly evolved, then do those things that dismissed my male confidantes still apply? What if my vain approaches have made me miss out on the man that will change my last name (or at least hyphen it; not sure I want to lose my last name. Awful lot of paperwork)
Perhaps most of this comes off of the wake of several “friends” of mine professing their love or strong like beyond the capacity of friendship. Initially, I felt assaulted. Betrayed even. I disclosed private details to them of man troubles that I wouldn’t tell my best girl friends. But to be fair, had the signs been there all along and I simply turned a blind eye? Had I been the girlfriend to them without being the girlfriend? Were signals sent unknown to me? And why were they given the friend title in the first place. Yes, lots of introspection.
Please Note: I am not saying men and women cannot be friends. I’m just saying, make sure that’s all you are. Friends. The end.
So much time and energy was placed into cultivating these relationships that perhaps intimacy was the expected next step. It isn’t as though they asked to become my friends. They wanted more and I was unwilling, so perhaps settling for friendship was better than nothing. But as I get comfy in being a quarter century old, some things require interrogation. So I reviewed several files of my malecapades (Like escapades. Roll with it, okay? Sheesh!)
Some files remained the same, some actually got tossed (#cuttingseason) and were found themselves worthy of reexamining. And with examination came a sudden urge of interest. Hit me like a heat flash. We’ll see what is to come. But ladies and gents, have you taken a glimpse at your friend zone? Have they changed? Have you changed? Anyone worthy of a second look?
And like that this drought may be at its end.
More to come!!!
Be Extraordinary- Alyssa Peacock