We’ve gone over and over and over this forever. Generationally, it’s a mind boggling phenomenon that I unexpectedly have fallen into, and can’t help but have the same dumbfounded look upon my face as my peers and predecessors.
Here I am, Alyssa Manners. I am 25 years old, college educated, globally versed, own car, own apartment, funny, kind, smart, blah, blah, blah. Yet here I am, single as shit.*
I look to my left, women just like me, with similar qualifications, also found themselves single as shit.
Look to my right, single as shit (S.A.S).
Look in front of me to the ladies of a “matured” age with even more to offer but I am sure they were like me at my age, S.A.S and still S.A.S.
I am scared to look behind me because the thought that women younger than me will share my fate frightens me to no end.
There are so many women that are simply magnificent that find themselves checking S.A.S on their Facebook statuses. Stressing and pressed about finding the one. The one man that shares an agnate history to their own. Their ideals and backgrounds akin to ones’ own. A man with “the haves.” The haves that she also shares. But alas, these men seem to be so scarce, it appears that all that is left are the men with “the have nots.”
Men with “the have nots” are the same breed as the men with the “ain’t gots.”
Ain’t got a car.
(Aint’ even got money to give you for gas.)
Ain’t got an apartment.
(Ain’t even trying to pay for some of the groceries that he eats at your place!)
Ain’t got a passport.
(Ain’t trying to get one either)
Ain’t got nothing to show for their lives.
In the same vein, the gentlemen of “the have nots” clan follow suit as follows (for the sake of being grammatically correct, we’re utilizing “has” for “have”):
Has no ambition.
(Has sincere contentment with the mediocrity of their existence)
Has no self respect.
(And thus Has no respect for you either)
Has no zeitgeist perspective of the world at large.
(can quote hundreds of rappers, but Has not picked up a book since birth)
Again, has nothing to show for his life.
And the bewildering question for me and my fellow female compatriots is, with everything they do not have, how do these lackluster men seem to always have a flock of women on their arm?
My mind is perpetually in a state of blown by the number of men I know with limited physical, emotional or financially success that somehow gain the attention of loads of women far beyond them in every capacity. I am not saying it’s all about the coin in the collection plate, but instead about stability and balance.
Think of it this way: Let’s say you and I are attempting to build a home. I have a well equipped variety of tools to build this home. Hammers and saws, wrenches, nails, the works. Meanwhile, all you have is a bandaid and some crayons. How the hell is this going to work?
But time and time again, I see it happening. Women cling to the thought of a man, and will delete their standards just to say they have one.
I’ve been with men lesser than me (even as of late). Several times. Nothing of note in their lives. Like, what the hell have you been doing? But I, like many women, have rationalized that I can be the catalyst for change. They’ll do better, and I will help them. Fact is, by trying to help them progress, I inevitably regressed or paused altogether. Ultimately, if they wanted more, they would have more. Period.
But what really gets me is the men I’ve been with, if their “lights” magically decided to go on (please see below video for reference), would be married with children in a year while little ole me, whose light periodically goes dim but never goes off, has to work hard as hell to land one semi-okay guy.
What is it about a man with the “have nots”? What has happened to womankind? Has the amount of men become so scarce that any man, ANY MAN, will do? A man that is not even remotely evenly yoked to you is better than being a party of one? Is a “have not “man somehow better than your “have lots” self?
Tell your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you!
*Note: Do I have plenty of years in front of me? Hell yes. Am I currently concerned about my single status? Not really. It’s easier for me to use myself as an example, so let’s just roll with it, okay?
Be Extraordinary- Alyssa Peacock