I am a sucker for a sob story. No truer words were spoken about my previous relationships. I am an eternal romantic green with optimism. And my frequent blindness has led me down some troublesome paths. Continue reading
Oh Summer, why are you so fleeting? Don’t you understand, I love you so, never want you to go.
*sigh*
As we enter the last real month of summer, I have embarked on a personally conflicting journey to course through the vein of August. While reading Jennifer Close’s, Girls In White Dresses (definitely suggest reading it; thanks Ma!), the main characters found that life had become a bit, ummm, mundane, stagnant even, and considered dedicating the entire summer to saying yes. Yes to everything asked of them. Parties, kickball teams, you name it. If you’ve seen Yes Man, you get the gist. Continue reading
So it’s been a few months, and I’ve met quite a few gentlemen of interest whilst accepting my Facebook relationship status is now single. And in a lot of ways they fit my criteria. Smart, physically attractive, witty, well-to-do, you catch my drift. Exchange of numbers, then the game begins.
You see, everything up until the digit dance is practice for the real sport: the waiting game. You know, the wait two days to make contact, have a cutesy conversation, then pause again until someone decides to reconnect. Grrrr, the texting tango drives me crazy!!!!
I have a condition that I thought was reasonable. All I ask is that you call or text when you’re thinking about me. That’s it. I won’t consider it “thirsty” if you opt to break the stupid 48 hour rule. Who the hell said that rule was a good idea in the first place?
Break the rules. Be an anti-conformist. It’s really sexy to me (Note: unless you’re the gentleman that jumped my car battery and then asked me to take you home to my house, just to somehow be offended when I drove away laughing. No sir, have a seat in a muddy ditch with that foolishness. And calling a woman every 10-20 minutes for 2 hours is not hot, it’s creepy.)
But alas, sometimes your pride will keep you from being great, and the game plays on.
I thought graduating from high school and subsequently college would change things. Ha! Shame on me. The only things that have changed are age and taste palates.
Other rules that I’ve observed thus far that haven’t changed since I was an adolescent singling:
– Being an open book is a big hell no
Nope. Don’t you dare show your bare face. Beat your personality’s face to the heavens. Foundation of serious yet light sense of humor, mascara of sexiness, blush of coyness, lipstick of lust.
This is going to be the hardest rule for me to implement if I decide to do so. I am ridiculously goofy. I don’t know how to not crack jokes or bust stupid dope moves in aisles of ShopRite. And there’s no off button. Ever. I am in a perpetual state of Turn Up.
And I am honest. Told a guy he smelled like laundry detergent. Met him five minutes prior. I can’t help it. I mean, I can, but I don’t see how it’s fair that I sacrifice who I am to land a man. Me or Him? Why the dichotomy?
-If you contact him before the 48 hours, you clearly want to have sex with him
Kidding, but this is what I was told runs through the mind of the male species. Seriously? Super stupid. Do I think you’re cute? Yes. Enough to drop my panties? No. Hell no. Please find your seat in row 1 of the muddy ditch. Thanks.
Guys, is that where the first 48 came from? Don’t want your intentions to be too apparent? “Say what you mean, mean what you say” could totally come into play, but that’s exactly how I get into trouble. Telling people they smell like Tide I guess is an insult, but I think it’s divine. *sigh* moving on…
-Give him your number
“Let a man be a man. He wants you, let him start the dialogue.” Again, this was some -ish I used to do in high school. But if we’re chatting and flirting, what does it matter who takes what first? Are ladies so afraid of losing ground? It’s the first quarter, a little ground may help you win in the fourth! And if he doesn’t reply until Jesus comes, then perhaps he isn’t worth the time.
I have a lot of catching up to do, and have no idea where to begin. But one thing is for sure, I have been having a lot of fun relearning old tips while incorporating new tricks. Stay tuned for more Single Peacock Female chronicles.
If you have any pearls you’d like to introduce, do so in the comments!!!!
Be Extraordinary- Alyssa Peacock
Though this simple phrase of the Confiteor is very common to Christian practitioners in reverence to The Divine, this commitment also holds weight in the relationship department.
Guys, listen up, women recognize the general inability for many of you to become open vessels to your vulnerable, emotional soft spot. But we’re (including myself) are naturally prone to be vulnerable. Please note that I said “vulnerable” not “weak”. We take communication (and some of you may argue, HYPER-communication) very seriously. You call it nagging, we call it black and white methodology. No areas of gray allowed.
Women love men that are successful raconteurs. We thrive on guys who know how can balance between telling us nothing and telling us too much.
So you’ve been engaging in texts, tweets, and every other mode of communication with a certain young lady. You get the sneaking suspicion that she is as interested in you as you are in her. Set her soul on fire (in a good way) by dropping a simple “I miss you” or “I like you” text, but only if you mean it. Because, in addition to being passionate about communications, we are creatures of intuition. Whether you know it or not, women always know exactly what’s going on before you’ve said anything.
Also, don’t frequent the usage of these statements. Either she will believe you’re a liar, overly needy, done something wrong, or the sentiment will lose its luster. But when you find yourself thinking about her, use your words. Women enjoying knowing they aren’t exhausting their time and efforts on someone who sees them as expendable. It is insulting to not dare to put yourself out there once in a while.
And as confirmation that what I’m saying is true:
Moral Of The Story: If you think about her, use your words, and act upon it. “By Thought, Word, & Deed.”
Be Extraordinary- Alyssa Peacock
I have never claimed to be a know-it-all when it comes to relationships because I don’t. Fact is, I am struggling to figure out the whole male/female dynamic myself. But I have been a woman my entire life, and I know exactly what goes in the female psyche, and I can help those in need, I will.
I have enlisted the help of one of my dearest friends, Brittany B. (Twitter: @PinkdBubbles), to provide some advice to the Mars’ inhabitants.
Brittany writes:
Dearest men…I’d like to come forward and say that women aren’t as difficult or complicated as we seem. We are adapting to our present circumstances (your behavior) in order to stay afloat. If your behavior didn’t present itself as so difficult or complicated, we could both be frolicking in the meadow of love without a care in the world. But of course, that’ll never happen unless you listen to me.
Yes, your whole entire journey to that meadow lies solely on your ability to follow directions. LOL
I’ve comprised a few (ok, more than a few) tidbits that you should avoid in order for you and your partner to begin that voyage to the meadow.
“Coddled…No Cradle”
Despite how much you’d deny it, men love to be pampered like babies. You seek women that will provide a carbon copy version of the solace emanating from your mothers’ womb.
Case In Point: I knew a guy who required a tummy rub to fall asleep. I’m sorry…how old are you? So essentially, it is safe to assume that you must have someone in your bed regularly in order to sleep.
Million Dollar Question: If I’m not around, who is rubbing your belly, Buddah?
Word of advice: Stop being a baby and sleep on your own, otherwise you’ll never sleep with me.
“Tit for tat…on my terms.”
Everyone knows the, “if you do it to me, I’ll do it to you” portion of the dating game. Men are light years ahead of women in the emotional Olympics, yet deem it unfair when Karma gives them the well-deserved swift kick.
Case In Point: Not sure if it was the moon shining over the Indian Ocean or the African Aphrodisiac (aka, 4 Hakuna Matata’s) from the bar, but I became incredibly aroused and had sex with one of the guys on the trip (For the record, this was not some random guy; we were very familiar with each other). After I got what I needed, I politely stopped the motion of the ocean and went back to my room (1 Point for me!!!). I had no interest in waiting for him to “get his.” When he wanted to become a friend with benefits with the expectation of monogamy, I whipped out my Guy Card, and avoided all methods of communication.(2 Points!!!). He was one unhappy camper.What’s the big deal? Not saying I am trying to be like a man, but how often does it happen to women? Hmm? Huh? What was that? Can’t hear you! Oh, that’s what I thought.
Word of Advice: Women are just as sexually liberated as you are, and understand that this does NOT make her a whore. Still devastated over the woman who did the same thing to you? Two tears in a bucket. Get over it. I guarantee you or one of your friends has done the very same thing to a laundry list of girls. You know what they say: Do unto others…
“Do I hear a ring? And I don’t mean on the phone.”
Pay attention. This is important. When did it become trendy to mention the Almighty next steps without a plan of execution? Do not mention the “R,” “M,” or “W” words while in a relationship unless you’re ready. Havoc will fall upon your life. Haven’t caught on yet?
“M” – Marriage.
“W” – Wedding.
“R” – Ring.
Mentioning these three words (whether together or separately) at anytime during a relationship, or rather, while dating, sends signals of hope to a woman’s brain, pulsate through her veins, and land in her heart. She sets in her mind that you are looking for longevity and, if she’s lucky & loyal, it will be her. She goes into Super Girlfriend mode and you, naturally, take full advantage of Superwoman’s powers. The moment you renege, you burst her bubble, turn her hopes into falsity, and cause her to turn into super villain Bitter B!tch ala Ne-Yo’s “Libra Scale.” You are not playing a game of spades, but you are playing with a person’s heart.
Case In Point: Three year relationship, three words used, and three ring shopping appointments…no ring…just a three second breakup. See the pattern?
Word of advice: Simple: Don’t do it.
“Red Light Special”
When done correctly, sex is a beautiful thing!!! It is even better when props are incorporated into the event.
Case In Point: I was involved with a track star from California. He and I were friends that decided to add benefits to the mix. One rainy night, he decided to spice it up a bit by adding a little ambiance to the setting. With one flick of a switch, the room turned Red and Usher’s “Seduction” was pounding through the speakers! Cheesy? Yes. Did I love it? Yes. I can’t listen to that song without thinking of the red room. He was channeling Christian Grey before Mr. Twitchy Palm was ever thought about.
Word of Advice: Change it up guys! Don’t worry about being corny or what your boys might think…Never kiss & tell.
“Say what you mean, mean what you say.”
Nobody likes a liar. Women despise liars more than menstrual cramps and bugs. Do yourself a favor & stop doing it. We would prefer you to tell the truth at all times, even if you think it’s going to hurt our feelings.
Case In Point: Met a guy. He was fine. Almost too fine. We hit it off. Had a lot in common. I told him I was taking a sexual sabbatical. He said so was he. Yet every time we were alone, he tried…and tried…and tried to get me out of my clothes. I had enough and when he realized his attempts were failing, he lost interest. Wait. Didn’t you say you weren’t interested in that? What happened?
Word of Advice: Stop lying and be honest. Scratch a liar, find a thief. We would respect you more if you made truth telling a habit.
These posts are well overdue. I had one of the worst stare offs in my life end recently & I believe things could have gone differently if someone gave my Mr So&So some advice. Guys listen, staring at a woman for prolonged periods of time is weird. But if you insist, there are certain actions that will prove successful. I will impart my latest occurrence upon you with the hopes that, through my incident, you will know better so you can do better. No names will be included in this article. I will break down this entire scenario into parts, dropping major knowledge so you can win The Staring Contest.
Part Un: “All In The Name Of Charity”
I attend lots of Greek (Fraternity and Sorority) events partially because my mother is in a sorority and partially because I have a ridiculous amount of friends in these organizations. First encounter with Mr. So&So was at a scholarship fundraiser I attend annually hosted by my mother’s chapter. This particular year, So&So happened to be in attendance. Admittedly, I had a huge crush on him when I was in high school. High School has come and gone, and I’m so beyond it. Over the course of the evening, rounds of people asked for pictures and autographs with him, offered their resumes, and named dropped.
Yet, on one than more occasion, I caught him staring at me.
Is he looking at me?
Note: In a woman’s mind, a guy staring at her can only go two ways: Flattering or annoying.
WhyTF is he looking at me? Can I help you? Hmmm, maybe he’s interested. I hope he doesn’t think I’m going over there. Plllleeeeaaasssse, I’m a lady. I don’t subscribe to that groupie life.
My mind ran the gamut ala Usain Bolt.
I decided that the high schooler in me was making me hallucinate. I scolded my inner girl for causing such an internal ruckus. But his staring was so excessive that even other people sitting with me began to take notice.
My aunt, unaware of who he was, asked the purpose of notoriety. After explaining who he was and that he was my little adolescent crush, what does she do? She beelines over to him & discloses this information!!! Everything told me to high tell it out of there, but the skyscrapers attached to my ankles denied me of my freedom. He proceeds to tell her I should introduce myself, but by this point, I felt a little groupie like and incredibly uncomfortable.
You want more gratification? More than what everyone in this place has already given you? Pllllleeeeeeaaaasssse. I am not about that groupie life. I am not about that groupie life. I AM NOT ABOUT THAT GROUPIE LIFE!!!
In my embarrassment, I proceeded to put him out of my mind and enjoy the rest of my night.
At the conclusion of the evening, I helped with cleanup and prepared to make one more walk through before going home. As I turn the corner, I CRASH into no other than So&So himself. Scarlet Red embarrassment wells in my face.
Why God? I’m so not in the mood for this foolishness.
Note: Women are creatures are embarrassment. It’s our arch enemy. You win points with us if you can minimize it.
As he helped me off of the floor, I noticed he was holding me a little longer than necessary.
Ok, this is happening. What should I say? If he doesn’t say anything I am just going to thank him and leave.
“Thanks for catching me. Goodnight.” As I catch a glimpse of him behind me, I notice he’s still staring.
Yea, he wants it. He’s going to have to come for it because I am not about that groupie life.
Moral Of The Story: Women are scared to death of looking overly anxious or yearning. She may be equally as attracted to you, but if you hold a position of authority or power, she may not approach you. Not because she’s intimidated or a coward, but simply she doesn’t want you to assume she is easy. You hold all of the cards. Step up.
Part Deux: “Daytime Delirium” Coming 11/2/2012
Be Extraordinary- Alyssa Peacock
First things first, this portion of the site, known as “Fly On The Wall”, IS NOT for women. Men need an inside guy to help them too. So ladies, turn yourselves right around & head back towards the other 99% of this blog dedicated to you. Fellas, I’ve got your back. Continue reading
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